The small problem with scooters

There is an ever increasing trend that is happening all over America. People think they are too poor to drive their cars, and in turn are spending thousands of dollars on these little scooters that you are seeing all over the road. Now don't get me wrong I am all about saving the environment, saving money, enjoying the open road, etc. But why do any of that on a scooter if you don't have to?

My little brother got a scooter last summer and I went with him to load it into the back of my truck and bring it over to our parents house where he was living. I managed to take it up to the church and thought hey this is better than walking and it is kind of cool seeing what these are like, but after I got back and I was able to get in my truck, turn on the radio, turn on the AC, lean back and relax I just thought to myself that scooter is not me, even if it also has a leather seat.

Don't get me wrong my brother is a scooter finatic, his leather pants, leather jacket and helmet all go great with his black and yellow scooter, but if I was stuck out in the sun and stopped for longer than three minutes total throughout the day I would either have passed out from heat stroke or I would probably instantly sweat off 25 lbs, which wouldn't be so bad, but then I would still have to go to work for the rest of the day in clothing that was completely soaked, and even if I wore a lot of deodorant I don't think it would be enough to cover for me.

Another thing is how do you pick up chicks with a scooter, do you say hey I know your little sports car is nice and comfy with you and your four friends, but would you like to give up your climate controlled social-life to hang on to the back of my mini moped while we drive somewhere and can't even talk at all on the way. Now if she is shy and you are the right guy she might go for the time with him without conversation, but last time I met a girl like that she could also beat me in 9 out of 10 sports and out eat me at dinner. I should have figured out why she had such a short haircut and why she talked about her bff so much, but I guess it would make her bff feel even better about her squeeze as she proved not only to be a man hater but a cocky one at that.

What is up with these bigger women on these mopeds as well? I don't care if the seashore smashing seafoam greeny blue fancy pants color matches with your last pair of shoes, or if you have a purse that would totally rock with it; when you are wearing a giant brown coat and you resemble a 600 lb grizzly bear that looks like your handbag is half of a dead fish you are about to devour on your way back to catching up with the circus, it is never a pretty site, and if you are hoping that with you being out in the open is going to help your situation in meeting mister right, you might as well blindly keep up that hope as the cute guys in that car to your right must really know a funny joke they are telling each other coincidentally as they look at you. Don't worry though you will always have your good friends, Ben and Jerry two guys that really understand you, and always listen to your problems.